This morning went a lot smoother. I was able to grab lunch a little faster than the day before. Between my breakfast shake and my fiber drink I have 30 ounces in me already.
I do have a confession to make. I got on the blasted scale, even though I knew it would be a bad idea. Don't do that. Give it at least a few days before you take a peek.
It's 12:30pm and I am sitting down to lunch. Once again I have forgot to take my catalyst. Being at work, I just don't think the lunch catalyst will happen. I am also irritated. With all of this crap food around me and I want some! I dont want what I brought for lunch, which is the same as yesterday. I want a cheeseburger and some French fries! This is quite hilarious, I don't eat cheeseburgers... I never eat cheeseburgers! Why am I all of a sudden craving them? Luckily for me I know. I am a chronic dieter. Mostly counting points through weight watchers, more recently just counting calories through 'Lose it!' In my 15 years of dieting I have learned a few things about myself. 'If I can't have it, I want it!' This works in this phase. During these ten days of the cleanse, some food groups are off limits, dairy and bread....(yes, bread is a food group!) if I am not 'allowed' to have something, I automatically want it. It's how I tick, I'm like a 2 year old.
'If its not available, readily in my house, I want it!' This means, if Oreos are not in the house, they are all I can think about..... If they are in the house, then I don't eat them. I have never been one to sit down and eat cookies until they are all gone. I have always had this fear of gaining even more weight than I already have. 2 Oreos have always been enough to satisfy my sweet tooth.
I am finishing lunch and I kind of cheated today. Being at work is hard, very stressful and I'm tired. Those three things are a recipe for disaster. My lunch consisted of shredded chicken with salsa, 1/4 avocado, sweet peas ( that were from the cafeteria and probably drenched in butter.... Well no probably about it, they were def...) and I had a few baby red potatoes from the cafeteria and they were also probably drowned in butter too.
This is trial and error people. If you think you will do this for 24 days and then go back to eating boxed crap in the grocery store and still keep the weight off? Won't happen. This is a lifestyle change. I just hope that I see a visible change within the challenge period.
So it's 8:30 now. It was a rough day today. Work was stressful and normally when I'm stressed I will reach for a Hershey bar. Somehow it makes me calm down, makes my endorphins happy. Today, I did not do that. What did I do? Well, I cheated..... I had one m&m. Not a bag of m&m's, just a lonely m&m. I don't know how this is viewed on my cleanse period.... I hope I don't get yelled at, but I honestly put my best effort in today.
Came home (after wanting to stop at Taco Bell) and put some frozen tilapia in the pan with some EVOO. I then cut up some peppers and onions and sautéed them, with some steamed broccoli. I was whining about it the whole time I was making it. What I wanted? I wanted the ground beef and tacos my husband made tonight. Am I willing to waste the money my husband worked hard for to buy the challenge, no.
I am being very honest with these posts. I will not pretend that being on this is 'so easy!' And you wont have temptations! What I want to accomplish with this blog is to inspire all of to you that, you can do it! Despite the temptations and the failures and the slip ups, you can succeed.
Challenge Day 2;
Water intake: 120 by the end of the night
Weighed in 4/9 at 235.6
Cleanse effects? No abnormal bowel movements or extreme urgency.
Fiber drink easier to drink this morning.

One step at a time. One meal at a time. One habit change at a time. I can do this. I know you can too!

Day 1: Woke up at 5 am. Took Catalyst, 30 mins later took my fiber shake then my meal replacement. The biggest challenge this morning was drinking and eating so much first thing in the morning. It kinda made me nauseous. BUT! I will get over it.
12:24 pm As I am sitting her eating lunch I just realized I forgot to take my Catalyst before lunch. So, I suppose it would be alright to take 2 before dinner. ???!
I have eaten the meal replacement shake for breakfast, nuts and strawberries for a snack. As I'm writing I am eating half of a sweet potato and some shredded chicken with salsa and 1/4 advocado with Mrs, Dash lime seasoning.
Struggles this afternoon? There is still Easter candy in the break room. I have two co-workers on either side of me eating chocolate mint pie, French fries..... Other struggles? Nothing so far. The Spark has taken care of my sugar cravings. I do feel like maybe I am going to need to expand my recipe library. Right now, I am playing it safe, just eating basic foods. That will get old fast. For now, basics are good.
It's 430 and so far I have drank 84 ounces of water (this is including spark, fiber cleanse and meal shake). I have filled up my water bottle again (1000ml or 32 ounces) again.
I just had some hummus and some fruit and vegetables, honestly I'm full. So I didn't eat all of what I brought. It is amazing that when you take away the pre packaged crap how much you a really eat and not be hungry.
8:25pm now. Just finished dinner. Took the two catalyst before dinner. I don't know why but since about 5pm I have wanted a candy bar, really badly. I have kept busy enough that I haven't thought about it but now I'm laying here writing this and I am craving chocolate. If I drink another spark I will be up all night.
The first day was decent. I took the stairs a few times at work and I was pretty non stop at work. I was sweating a few times actually.
10:28 pm: ate my favorite snack all day! Brown rice cake with natural peanut butter and a half of a small banana on top. Took my herbal cleanse tablets and omega plex.
Day 1 in the bag.
Water: 102 ounces
First Weigh In: 235.6 ( I am up a few pounds from a few weeks ago but I'm ok.)
My Goal: Lose 10lbs on the Challenge.
Measurements are in inches below in the picture. Here we go!!!!!!

So. It's the night before the challenge. I work tmrw. I have all my food prepared and ready. Planning, I have got that down. However the negative Nellie in me is already at work! 'What if this doesn't work!?' ' I have tried so many things and nothings worked. What if I just spent this money on something that doesn't work!?' So.... I have my food packed and ready. All my supplements are ready to go. I have done my measurements and my 'Before' photos.
The photo above is Brian, my husband measuring me. That was quite humorous.
Wish me luck! I will be weighing in, in the morning!

There is not a time in my life that I remember being 'normal'. You laugh, 'What is normal, anyway?!'
I think everyone has their own 'normal' and what they want 'normal' to be. I think it is rare that you are the 'normal' you actually want to be. Make sense? Lol. For me, the normal I want....... I want to get out of bed go to work, or tackling a long list of 'to do's', without crashing from exhaustion.. My ideal normal is to ride bikes, play games and swim with my kids and not worry about rationing my energy just to make it through the day. Some of you know exactly what I mean. Rationing energy, I am very good at it. This has been my normal for 23 years.
As a child I took naps. I wasn't as active as I wanted to be.. Most days you would find me in my room, reading, studying and listening to Michael W Smith. There was also the occasional music video that we recorded or a cooking show or two. By recorded, I mean I have black mail. And lots of it! So, I have always been a person with limited amount of energy. This became my 'normal'. After the thyroid cancer my 'normal' became worse. Then having two children, I really had no chance at having any kind of extra energy. I was the mom sitting on the bench watching my kids play, instead of playing with them. I was the mom who made her children take naps, not because they were tired, but because I was. I was the mom that would find any excuse in the book to put the kids bed early because I was so exhausted I could not even think. I have been 'surviving' for so long. This became my normal. I did not have any hope of change. I mean really, what could actually be done?
Right now, as I type I am waiting for our pizza to be done. I have worked a full 12 hr day. This day specifically was non stop. You know what I am thinking about doing after dinner? Going outside and taking a walk!
It is SO exciting to have energy! I feel so free! It is so freeing to have energy! I felt like I was a slave to my exhaustion, I was, really. I did what the exhaustion allowed me to do!
What happenned? 1 month ago today Brian and I started drinking a drink through Advocare called 'Spark'. Spark is a mental focus energy drink. It has changed my life.

It is so hard to know where to start, what Spark has done for me. In the begining I started drinking it to help with my exhaustion, but it has done so much more for me. Within the first few days I noticed a feeling of well being. I felt good! What?!? After a few more days I noticed I wasn't reaching for my pain pills for my back. It has helped with my arthritis pain in my lower back! Say what?!?!?! Other results? I sleep better, I wake up so easy! Even if I don't get 8 hrs! I am more efficient at work, at least I feel like I am! I don't have an appetite, I don't crave sugar. I don't crave pop! I have been off my birth control for 6 weeks and I asked my husband if he has noticed any changes in me. He said that I haven't been 'snappy', I haven't been as tired, I am more interested in daily activities and being with the family.
Brian's results have been very much the same. Although he had one specifically that is very interesting to me. Most of you, not all of you know that Brian does not have a large bowel. One of the jobs of the large bowel is that it helps you stay hydrated. Back when Brian had his surgery, they told us his risk for dehydration was very high because the large bowel takes out the fluid in what we eat and drink and puts it back into your body. Ever since the surgery he has this insationable thirst. He drinks and drinks and he doesn't get satisfied. One of the first things he told me was, he wasn't thirsty anymore. He was on Spark a couple of days. This. Is. Huge.
All of these results from one nutrional drink. I can only imagine what the other products will do for us!
I am so excited. I wanted to share my excitement, our results.
We have decided to become official Advocare distributors. It has changed our lives. We want to help others! If you want more information please get in contact with us. We would be so happy and excited to help you achieve the results that you want.
If you are losing hope, remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. The Lord brought us to Advocare. The Lord brought us to our 'dawn' and we are so excited about our future.

Those of you that know me, knew that this was coming. I ALWAYS figure a way to work my man, Michael W. Smith into conversations. I have been doing it for 20 years. Smitty is a great musician, yes. However, over the years I have learned that I am not so much fascinated with his 'on stage' life. I was and I still am, interested in his family life, his home life. What kind of a husband he is, what kind of father and yes, even what kind of grandfather! Yes, he is a grandfather! He just had his 7th grandchild recently! So I feel like he is a role model for me, for my kids. I don't hold him on a pedestal I just respect how he has lived his life, how he has always put family first and I TRULEY believe he strives to serve The Lord in all that he does and he does a lot!
A few years ago I got wind that Smitty was an endorser for a company called Advocare. I kind of looked at it then and decided it was just 'another expense' and we just couldn't afford it. I did put it on my back burner. I believe I had gone to three concerts since I started hearing Smitty was taking Advocare. I had also seen his video spot he did ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMFkF06aE9c&sns=em ) for them as well as tables that he would have set up at his concerts to share AdvoCare. So I felt it was everywhere! Then it started showing up in Bellbrook, my hometown. It was spreading like wildfire. I still though, had my reservations. I had been involved with direct sales before and it just never worked out for me. So, back it went to the back burner.
Then on March 5th of this year a friend of mine posted that she had joined Advocare. I knew this chick. I knew her situation. I knew that there was NO WAY she would get involved in a company that wasn't a good company or had any risk. I sent her a Facebook message........' Hey! How are you able to afford Advocare? I have wanted to do it, at least start with the 24 day challenge. I just cant see myself being able to afford it long term. I know if you become a distributor it takes a percentage off but I just cant see it. I have been stuck in a weight loss rut for 5 years. The scale wont budge, no matter how many calories I dont eat. I am getting extremly frustrated.....' This was the message I sent her. I was honestly in tears as I sent it. Right away she messaged me back. Hooked me up with another lady named Kim. Turns out, Kim and I grew up on the same small street in Bellbrook. Not only that but we both survived thyroid cancer, we both have 2 children and the similarities go on and on. She brought me Spark samples, she invited me to go to a mixer that was happening that night. ( A mixer is a fun get together with people who are interested in learning more about Advocare, about the products, about the 24 day Challenge or about the business.) It was all so overwhelming. My husband and I went home with 2 free boxes of spark that night. That was 28 packets, 28 servings. I decided at this time that if I was doing this, I was going to DO IT! I stopped taking my birth control pill. I wanted to see if this would help my hormonal issues, my energy issues, my weight issues, my well- being issues, my depression issues. So..... I went ALL IN!
Tomorrow 4/5/13, will be one month exactly, since being on the SPARK. Tomorrow I will share what it has done for me, what it has done for my husband, if we will continue to use the products of Advocare and what we see is our future with Advocare. Very interesting post tomorrow so don't miss it!

I think we all look back and wonder why we were brought through certain trials. I know some of you reading right now are going through a trial of your own. For me, going through a trial and knowing why, knowing that I am able to help someone because I went through that specific trial, helps me get through it myself. Knowing it has value. Then there are those trials that we look back and say ' and the point to that was??.......' To our human eyes, there seemed to be no point and those tend to be the ones that are the hardest trials. The ones we see that have no point. If only we had the eyes of God.... Of course that has been done... Adam and Eve tried that already didn't they?!?!

Driving that day, in my car I was alone. I was headed towards home from my moms house. I have the radio on a SECULAR station, 107.7. A commercial comes on and I start to tune it out when I start hearing symptoms rattled off.....
Mood swings
Depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness
Marked anger, increased interpersonal conflicts
Tension and anxiety
Irritability
Decreased interest in usual activities
Difficulty concentrating
Fatigue
Change in appetite
Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
Sleep problems
Physical problems, such as bloating
Thoughts of suicide
Total body aches and pains
By this time I have turned the radio up and it has my full attention.
'Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of PMS. The symptoms of PMDD are similar to those of PMS, but are severe enough to interfere with work, social activities, and relationships. Symptoms start approx. 10 days before your cycle and end shortly after your cycle starts..........'
By this time I am talking to myself... '10 days..... 10 days! 10 days!!!!!!!! That is what my app said! That is when my symptoms start! This is what I have ! I have this! I am not crazy! I knew it! I knew something was wrong with me! I knew it! So I do this all the way home..... I must of looked like a crazy person in my car.....
Immediately I go home and start researching.... Symptoms..... Causes..... Medicines.... Is it curable....... In the beginning I was a little disheartened that there was nothing I could do to rid myself of this. However the medicine that has been used to treat it, with much success was just a birth control pill. A tiny little pill. Surely not!

The picture above was November 2010. This was right around the time I started on the birth control. This is me, at my heaviest without being pregnant. My eyes tell the story. I didnt see it until just today. I look so sad... The 2nd picture was taken just a few weeks ago. Someone said 'I was glowing'. I have to agree. There is such a difference. There is a reason......
I started on the birth control and immediately I felt a change. I felt balanced, stable, level and not 'beast like'. You laugh....... I laugh now..... Looking back, it was awful. Understand. Being on the birth control did not take everything away completely, but, it did make it manageable. I was able to communicate my needs to my husband. I was able to head things off. I felt back in control.
So life went on. I took my pill and I was sane. I still was having a hard time losing weight. There still was the fact that I was putting this hormone in my body that, if I could find something else to help me, I would def. stop taking it. However, if this was what I needed to do to be sane, then this was what I was going to do. So I took this pill....
Then 2.5 years later The Lord brought into my life a different solution. Something that I had heard about a couple years before, I just was not ready for it........ AdvoCare.

A scene from one of my favorite all time movies:
Marilla: You're not eating anything.
Anne: I can't. I'm in the depths of despair. Can you eat when you are in the depths of despair?
Marilla: I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say.
Anne: Weren't you? Well, did you ever try to imagine you were in the depths of despair?
Marilla: No, I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God.
That last line... 'To despair is to turn your back on God.'
In my almost 33 years of life I have learned many things. One of the most important things I have learned is, statements like these 'to despair is to turn your back on God', are not always true. Things are not as black and white as I once believed. I believed at one time that if you were depressed, if you were in despair, you did not have a good relationship with God. You had stopped believing His promises for you, you walked away. Honestly, had it not happenned to me, I would probably still believe that way.
After I had my 2nd little girl, something happenned to me. I did not snap back to myself. For the longest time I thought it was just post partum. I have read that there is a higher risk with c-sections. So I just waited. I did not alert anyone to what was happening to me. I did not want to go on medication, so I waited. A year later I was still exhibiting the same symptoms. I was exhausted, my body hurt, I wanted to be left alone, I would cry at the drop of a button, I was extreme. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I went to a rheumatologist, she diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. She put me on an antidepressant, which she lead me to believe was my only option and that it would help me and honestly, by this time, I was at my breaking point. I was desperate. I had a 1 year old and a 3 year old. A year later I had gained 40lbs and still had the same symptoms, except now I am even more depressed with the weight I had gained. I weaned myself off the antidepressant and hoped that the weight would come off just by being off the medicine.... It didn't. This was the beginning of 2009. My symptoms with each passing year were getting worse. Weight watchers was not working anymore. I was counting my points and maintaining. I tried the 'body for life' eating plan.... Again, I just maintained...... I was in the 'depths of despair'. I KNEW how blessed I was. I had this knowledge in my head and in my heart. I would sparatically read my bible and try to connect but I just had this disconnect, like a loose wire, a short circuit, a haze. I knew God was with me, I was not despairing because I thought God had left me. I felt in despair and I felt it was out of my control. Later, much later, when I alerted my mother to what was going on, I would refer to it as 'the cloud'. Only when you experience this do you understand what I mean by this statement.
In 2010 I got my very first iPhone! One of the very first things I did with it was track my symptoms, when they started, how long, and what my symptoms were. A few months into doing this, I started noticing a pattern.
Approximately 10 days or there about, before I would have my period, my symptoms would start up. From as minor as body aches, the kind that you feel like the flu, to symptoms more extreme like thoughts of leaving my family, forever. The statement ' leaving my family forever' has multiple meanings. I would have crazy thoughts of just getting in my car and driving, leaving, abandoning my family. There were also moments, so extreme, that I just wanted to end it all. The thoughts that would enter my mind, I knew that they were irrational, I knew that they were sinful, but at this point in my life, I was losing hope. At this point in time I have had at least 3 doctors tell me that I was depressed (oncologist, rhuematologist, endocrinologist )and I needed to be on medication. I knew myself, I knew this was not the case. I was depressed, yes, but I was depressed because I knew something else was going on and no one would listen to me. I wasn't able to communicate clearly what was wrong with me. I felt alone and I felt like no one understood what was going on. My husband did not know what to do, what to think. So we waited.........This is when God intervened. How did He intervene? Something else I have learned in my time on this earth, don't limit God. He can absolutely use anything to reach us. Sometimes, it's a still small voice. It can be music, a passage in the bible, something a friend says. It can be anything, anywhere, anytime. I was literally in my car. Driving on 725 near Wilmington Pike when God chose to reveal the answers to so many of my questions............

Food choices today: I am def not over eating. I am also def not clean eating yet. But as I go through my day I am actively planning this big change. Getting the bad food out of the house and filling it with good food is the first step. This will be happening Friday. Still not drinking pop! Have not had one in a few weeks! Spark has totally taken my craving for it away!

So, I left off, 'Life.....Was.....Good....'
Life was good and it continued to be. I was in college and while in college I met my husband to be. He was everything I never dreamed of. I say that very honestly. I never thought I would fall in love and marry a man like him. That is SOOO for a different post.
We got married March 22, 2003 (we actually just had our 10th wedding anniversary, which is a pretty huge deal to us.) I was in my final year of college before I graduated. My weight was fluctuating between 190 and 200. This is where I have always maintained. 190 was my ideal weight, 200 was ok too, but not over 200. Funny how AFTER I got married, 200 was somehow acceptable. Husband caught, 200, okay number, ha!
In January of 2004 we found out we were pregnant with our first daughter, Emma. We were so excited but my thoughts immediately turned to how much weight this was going to mean. It was then I had wished I had kept off those 10 pounds..... This makes me sad. Being pregnant I was so consumed with how much weight I was going to gain, I could not enjoy being pregnant. That and the morning sickness that was in the 1st and 3rd trimesters.... When I delivered I weighed a whopping 262lbs. How did this happen, you ask? Well, 8lbs and 10 oz of that was baby. The other 50lbs, probably from my 'I just don't care anymore, I'm going to eat what I want,' attitude, and I pretty much did. I ate anything I wanted. Taco Bell at midnight, coca cola for breakfast, chicken nuggets for lunch. I was not a good girl. However, I know many of you will understand this. When you have lived most of your life watching what you eat, just to maintain your already 'obese' state of being you just get to a point of being done, being fed up, giving up. When you are pregnant you don't want to think about gaining weight. You want to enjoy the kicks, the movements, deciding baby names. So that's how 62lbs happenned.
I got down to 210 before I got pregnant with our 2nd daughter about 18 months later. I decided to eat better but I still gained the same amount. Talk about frustrating. Our 2nd daughter decided she did not want to be born the traditional way. Close to the time of delivery they found that she was transverse breech. So, c-section it was! This is where I traced back the beginning of all my health issues. This is when the trouble began.....

This, is exhibit A. This is me, probably around 4 years old. Notice anything about the picture? I will give you a hint....... Can that piece of cake be any bigger on my plate?!?!?!
Ever since I can remember, I have loved food. Any food. I will totally eat my vegetables and fruits..... And my Oreos and Coca Colas! I am not picky. I literally have marinara running through my veins and mozzerella clogging my artieries. Pretty much the only thing I will not eat are those 'little fishys' and liver. That's it.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with 'Papillary Carcinoma' of the thyroid. That is the fancy word for cancer. So, the thyroid was removed, a couple rounds of radiation later and I was back in working order, kind of. After the radiation and surgery I had put on some weight. I totally was not the girl that became thin and frail with radiation, I got fat.... Well, I got fatter. So, I drove myself to a weight watcher meeting. I got on that dreaded scale and I saw the numbers not any woman wanted to see..... 2....0....0...... Actually it was 204. I was devastated. BUT!!!!!! (Sorry mom, I know I am not supposed to start a sentence with a preposition.... Right, 'But' is a preposition... Right?!) But!!!!! I picked up my big girl college panties and I got on the program. It totally worked! I was able to keep my junk food, as long as I counted it and I was losing weight! Score! I drank my pop, I had my chocolate, and life....was.....good.